The Empty Chair

On October 12, 2014 we had a photo shoot with Justin's boss' wife, Anne Marie.  It was a Sunday and turned out to be a beautiful day!  Whenever you schedule something outside in Ohio, no matter what time of year, you're always wondering if weather will cooperate.  Well, today it did.  Another little blessing from the Lord.

As we were getting ready for the shoot, I was excited yet at the same time I was nervous.  I'm assuming with a "normal" maternity shoot, it's a very happy time full of promise of what's to come.  Well, for Justin and I, it's a bittersweet time.  We are full of joy knowing Luke is still alive in me, yet we know what's coming.  I was scared about how we'd respond in those difficult moments of belly shots.  Regardless, we knew without a doubt that we wanted to document ALL that we possibly could during this time, as our time with our son is fleeting.

The photo shoot was at a beautiful home in Delaware, Ohio.  Anne Marie knew of this place and knew it would be private.  We thought a private place would be good just in case we did get emotional and the ugly cry started.  We thought that was a good idea, that way we could just be as real as we wanted not worrying about what other people were thinking.

As the shoot started, we were doing just fine!  I remember thinking to myself...

"This isn't as hard as I thought....this is really fun!"

And then the hard part came.  Anne Marie brought with her a little brown chair for us to use as a prop.  It was simple yet rustic.  She set the chair up in the middle of a leaf covered path and set blocks on it spelling out his name: L U C A S.  She put little shoes that were a gift to us from Emily Shuter and also a really cute sweater we had picked out the day we found out he was a boy.  Justin picked the sweater out; he loved it :)  We backed away, and gazed at the chair as Anne Marie took pictures of it.  And then the tears started to flow.  There was something so sad about looking at this empty chair knowing that our little boy wouldn't sit in it.  Knowing that it would remain empty  In a way it was symbolic of what wasn't going to happen.  Lucas won't sit on my lap.  He won't sit on his daddy's lap.  He won't sit around the table with our families at holidays.  He won't sit on Santa's lap at the local mall.  He won't sit on the floor in our home and play with toys.  I just cried.  Cried at what our little boy would miss and what we would miss as his parents.

But, as I reflect more and more about that empty chair and what Luke won't be able to do here on Earth, I realized something profound.  No, he won't sit on MY lap, but all Luke will know is sitting on the lap of his Creator.  We may have moments with him after birth, but our little one will be at the feet of Jesus and that's so incredibly amazing to me.  What could be better than sitting on Jesus' lap?  Selfishly, I want him here with us.  I want him.  But it brings joy to my heart knowing that Jesus will hold him, and love him until his mommy and daddy can.  I imagine Jesus reading him stories.  I imagine my Lord singing lullabies to him, all while sitting on His lap.

So, until we can hold and sit with our little boy, we will be imagining him with Jesus.  The best cuddled, story-teller, and singer of lullabies that there ever was and ever will be.