October 10, 2014
This is the day I was fortunate enough to go to Children's Hospital and have an MRI done. Sense the sarcasm? I wasn't really that excited about it. Why you ask? Well, for those of you who don't know, Children's is a ginormous place with acres and acres of hallways, stairways, blue lines, purple lines, yellow lines, and such that you follow all over the place to help you find where you need to be. Well, without too much trouble, Justin and I found the place we needed to be. Crisis averted.
The purpose of this scan was for my doctor to be able to see what exactly is missing or not missing in Luke's body. What organs are there. Or not there. Because of the lack of fluid around him, it makes it very difficult to see things clearly on an ultrasound. The MRI would look more closely into his body so that we know exactly what we're dealing with. I was dreading this because I didn't want the results to be worse than expected, yet we are hoping for results that can give us some hope.
It's my turn, and they call me back. They put a hospital bracelet on me, have me take off all metal, and change into those super cute hospital gowns. Ok, not cute. I'm lead into this big room, with a huge, loud humming tunnel-like thing. I lay down and am told to stay as still as possible. I'm slowly moved into this tunnel and it's tighter than I remember most MRI machines being. Is this thing made for a 5 year old?! Oh wait, we are at Children's Hospital. Holy cow, it was a tight squeeze.
The scan begins, and not only is it tighter than I remember, but it's also louder! This thing made so much noise and even with the ear plugs they gave me, it was deafening! About 2 minutes into the scan, something happened....
I'm laying ever so still, and I feel a flick. A strong flick down low near my bikini line. Oh my word, was that what I think it was?!?! Was that....Luke kicking me?? My heart starts to race and I'm praying that it happens again. Boom! There it was again, but even stronger this time!! I can't believe it. In the midst of this awfully uncomfortable procedure, I felt my boy. For the first time. Then the tears started to flow. Since I was laying flat, the tears are running into my ears, into my hair, under my chin. I don't care, I was so overwhelmed with joy at that moment!!! About 20 minutes later, the scan is over and they pull me out. The man who performed the scan saw that I had tears running down my face and he looks at me and says...
"Oh no, are you okay?" I think he thought I was panicking.
"No, I'm fine. I just felt my baby move for the very first time, and it means he's still alive!"
A grin overtakes his face as he says..."Nothing like it."
I got dressed and walked into the waiting room where Justin was. He could tell I'd been crying and he had a worried look on his face. I broke into a huge smile and said...
"I felt him move!!!"
"You did?!?! What did it feel like?"
"Like a strong flick against my lower belly!"
He gave me a huge hug and said...
"He's still there! That's my boy!"
Again, this is another example of how God has given us amazing gifts throughout this difficult road. In the middle of this oh so enjoyable procedure, He gave us the gift of allowing me to feel Lucas for the first time. I was told that I might not ever feel him at all! I felt him twice. It's a feeling I will never forget and a moment when the Lord was more near to me than ever. Once again, it was like God was whispering in my ear...
"I know this is hard, but here you go, sweet daughter. Here is your boy. Did you feel that? He's alive and well and I love you."
Praise be to God, who in the middle of the hardest days of my life, is full of love and compassion! He's the Giver of all good gifts! Including little flickers of my precious son.