On October 24, we had an appointment with my doctor to go over the results of the MRI we had. We also were going to do another ultrasound to check on Luke; make sure he still had a heartbeat. I'm always excited to see my little boy on the screen!
Justin was with me along with my Mom, and Justin's parents. As we waited for the doctor to come in, I was pretty anxious. I was afraid to hear any bad news. I was still holding onto hope that they were wrong and he would be ok.
Doctor Melillo came in, and quickly began to tell us the news. He didn't waste time, which I was grateful for. Don't leave us hanging! He began with...
"Unfortunately, it's what we thought. No kidneys or bladder were found."
The tears began to flow. There it was, the news were we dreading. The finality of it was overwhelming. I didn't realize just how much we were hoping he'd have a chance of survival. Until that moment. Now we know for sure that his chances of surviving past birth are basically 0%. It was a huge blow. It felt like we were finding out the bad news all over again, for the first time. It made me so sad to now know his fate.
After we discussed the results further, doctor M said...
"Alright, now let's take a look at this little guy."
The best part of the appointment. He squirts that oh so lovely blue gel on me and gets going. His heartbeat pops right up. It's always the first thing I look for! So glad to still see it! He takes measurements of Luke's body to see how he's growing. He's right on track! He was just shy of 15oz. He was more active than normal during this scan than previous ones we had. I was so thankful for that. He's so squished in there, he hasn't been very active on screen. This time you could see him squirming around some. Thank you, Lord :) Another little gift.
We wrapped up the appointment and scheduled the next one for two weeks out. So, we wait til' then. The rest of the day, and the ones to follow, were very difficult. We had to really come to grips with the fact that we will face losing him. It breaks our hearts. My heart has never hurt this bad before. Yet, through the pain and through the heartache, God has proven Himself faithful over and over again. He's with us, He's holding our hands, and He's grieving with us.
I'm thankful for another few weeks with my boy. We still have him, living moment by moment.
Hello Katie, I don't know you but I do know the pain you are going through. I am a friend of Erin's and have been praying for you from the beginning. I am praying that God will sustain you one day at a time, and that He will comfort you with Scripture that you can cling to on those days when you don't think you can stand the pain. The verses God gave me when I was pregnant with little Sammy were Isaiah 42:3 and 43:2. Many days I felt like I was that flame that was about to die out, or that I was on the brink of the floods of sorrow overwhelming me. I had these verses written on the front of my mind...one day at a time God held me up and I pray that for you dear sister.
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