January 17, 2015
The night our son passed away was a night that I will never, ever forget. There was a sense of extreme, intense sadness and at the same time a sense of awe as we watch Luke take his last breath and enter into the safe arms of Jesus. My sister Beth put it absolutely beautifully...
"We watched him pass from their arms into Christ's. And He didn't have to pry, they willingly gave to their Savior, Luke, their most valuable treasure. The most precious night, sorrow and heartbreak, joy and hope. We were truly standing on holy ground, there in that hospital room."
Watching my son pass away was the most painful thing I've ever had to do. Everything in me ached to reach inside him and revive him. To fix what was wrong. To somehow create two functioning kidneys. To somehow breathe life into his lungs that didn't work. Yet at that moment, I felt the Lord carrying me. It was like I could hear Him say to me...
"My daughter, your precious boy is with me at this very moment. He is whole and alive and feels no pain. He feels nothing but complete joy."
The moments after we got confirmation that Luke's heart was no longer beating, I felt peace. Not peace in a way that made me feel joy, but peace that surpassed my understanding. Peace that told me it's ok. I knew without a doubt that Luke was with my Savior and that brought me joy. Believe me, I wanted Luke with us more than anything else, but God gave me a supernatural joy that night that allowed me to willingly hand him over. As I stared into Luke's face after he passed, it amazed me to know that the same eyes that were just staring at me, were now staring into the face of Jesus. Just like that. No passage of time, no in-between waiting time, immediately in the presence of Christ. Amazing!
For the first time in my life, I truly longed for Heaven. As a Christian, I would occasionally think about Heaven. If I were completely honest, it was something that scared me a little bit. But as I laid there with Luke on my chest, I longed for Heaven in a new way. I long to be rid of this world of sin. I long to be rid of this daily battle with sin. I long to be with the Lord and to spend eternity with Him. I long to be with my son again.
Justin and I made an agreement in the weeks leading up to Luke's birth. We promised that as long as Luke was alive, he wouldn't leave our arms. He would either be in mine, Justin's, or the nurses arms. For the 6 1/2 hours he was alive, that's what happened. We never let him go. We held him his whole life. As soon as he did pass away, we then let our family and friends hold him. He was passed around the room by his father. Justin wanted to be the one who handed him to each family member, each friend. I loved seeing the joy on people's faces as they held our boy. It was beautiful and heartbreaking to watch all at the same time. Each person took a turn. Each person had tears in their eyes. Each person gazed into Luke's face, this little boy they had all prayed so much for. A little boy that has changed my life forever. I'll never be the same.
Thursday, February 5, 2015
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
The Night Our Son Was Born
January 16, 2015
The day was scheduled. The time of day was set. Lucas Kent was going to be born on the 19th of January at 3:30pm. Well, things didn't quite happen that way. Luke and the Lord had other plans! Here is what happened the day our son was born...
Cramps. Bad, painful, strong cramps started to take over my body a few days leading up to Luke's birth. Some kept me up at night, and some were just more of an annoyance. Some hurt a lot more than others. It was a Friday. I had plans to have brunch with my friend Holly at Scramblers. We met there at 10am, and the whole time we hung out I was having very strong cramps, which were actually real contractions but I didn't realize it. We finished eating and I headed home, all while suffering through these pains. I got home and decided I'd try to lay down and take a nap. I hardly slept the night before due to being in a lot of pain, so I was pretty tired. Well, as I was trying to sleep, the pain kept getting worse. So much so that I would have to get up and walk around and breathe through them. Still having no clue I was actually in labor. I went to the bathroom and things seemed different "down there". I called Justin right away to let him know. He had just left for work. I also called my mom asking her what I should do. They both said to call my doctor right away and see what he said. I talked to the nurse, describing everything that I had been feeling for the past day or so. She said...
"If your symptoms stay the same or get ANY worse, come to the hospital!"
So, I monitored myself for the next hour or so. My mom came over to be with me as I was starting to panic a little. I was afraid of what was happening, afraid for Luke's safety. The pain was getting worse, so we decided it was time to head to the hospital. I called Justin and told him to hurry home. I started packing my bag all while taking breaks to breathe through these painful cramps. Justin got home and packed his bag as well, just in case they admitted me. The three of us headed to the hospital. Mom was calling people, texting people, letting them know what was going on.
"I'll keep you posted. Will call when we know something."
On our way to Riverside, I was having contractions that took my breath away. From the back seat mom would say...
"Breathe Katie, don't forget to breathe."
We got to the hospital and was put in a triage room. I described what was happening and what I was feeling. I made sure they understand our situation with Luke. They knew. As I was in triage, the pain intensified. I was having contractions every 6-7 minutes. I was squeezing the life out of Justin's hand, the poor guy. It really hurt. I was in tears at this point. An hour went by before the doctor came in check my cervix, to see if I had dialted at all. She's checking me, which hurt like crazy, and had a surprised look on her face. She says...
"You're 5cm dialted!"
What?! I'm in active labor right now?? Then Justin asks...
"So, does that mean he's going to be born later tonight sometime?" The doctor says...
"No, he'll be born within the hour."
Oh my gosh. I can hardly breathe. We were scheduled for a C-Section three days from now. My sister was due to fly in tomorrow night. She's going to miss his birth. I was devastated she'd miss it. She wouldn't get a chance to hold him. The tears started to flow. I was terrified and excited all at the same time. My sister Beth happened to be in the room with us when we found out he was on his way. She said to us...
"It's ok. God knew this was going to happen. He's not surprised, it's ok. You'll be ok."
Our boy was going to be born within the hour. Oh my goodness, we're going to see him soon. I started to pray..."Oh Lord, please protect Luke. Keep him safe. Give him time with us, please."
Before we knew it, our room was flooded with nurses. One was drawing my blood, one was trying to get my IV started. My pesky veins weren't cooperating. Finally, a nurse, Laura Gilbert, got my IV in. This nurse, Laura, was a God-send. She was the sweetest, most caring, loving nurse. She was an answer to prayer. She calmed my nerves and assured me I was in great hands. I loved her. Before too long, we were all ready to head to the operating room.
As we headed to the OR and even while I was in there waiting for Justin to come in, I remember feeling completely at peace. So many people prayed for that specifically; that God would overwhelm me with the peace that only He can give. He did just that. I was nervous, but not scared at all. I couldn't wait to see my son. I couldn't wait to kiss his little face. The surgery began, and before long, they lifted Luke from my belly and took him over to the warmer. He wasn't crying. I didn't know this at first, but his heart rate was very low. They didn't waste too much time, and Justin brought him right over to me. The nurse told him it may not be long .
He was the most precious thing I'd ever seen. He wasn't crying much, but he was making the cutest coo's and whimpers. He was beautiful. It was the best moment of my life, seeing him for the first time. They took him back to the warmer and checked his heart rate again. It had gone back up! He was doing better. His coloring was better. He was more pink than blue. Thank you Lord, for sustaining him thus far. He was more stable at this point, so they wrapped him up more tightly, put a cute hat on him and all.
Lucas Kent Bays was born on January 16, 2015 at 8:57pm. He weighed 3 pounds 6 ounces and was 13 1/2 inches long. Our little peanut. The answer to our prayers. Our little boy. The most precious thing I'd ever seen. The hours that unfolded after his birth were nothing short of a miracle. He was with us for 6 1/2 glorious hours. We thought we'd have around 2 hours with him. God gave us 6 1/2. I will share more details about those hours in my next post. God was with us in a way that is almost impossible to describe. We love and miss our son more than words can say. We are so proud of him. He is now with his Creator, full and complete, healthy, and strong with both kidneys and lungs that work perfectly. We love you Luke, so much.
The day was scheduled. The time of day was set. Lucas Kent was going to be born on the 19th of January at 3:30pm. Well, things didn't quite happen that way. Luke and the Lord had other plans! Here is what happened the day our son was born...
Cramps. Bad, painful, strong cramps started to take over my body a few days leading up to Luke's birth. Some kept me up at night, and some were just more of an annoyance. Some hurt a lot more than others. It was a Friday. I had plans to have brunch with my friend Holly at Scramblers. We met there at 10am, and the whole time we hung out I was having very strong cramps, which were actually real contractions but I didn't realize it. We finished eating and I headed home, all while suffering through these pains. I got home and decided I'd try to lay down and take a nap. I hardly slept the night before due to being in a lot of pain, so I was pretty tired. Well, as I was trying to sleep, the pain kept getting worse. So much so that I would have to get up and walk around and breathe through them. Still having no clue I was actually in labor. I went to the bathroom and things seemed different "down there". I called Justin right away to let him know. He had just left for work. I also called my mom asking her what I should do. They both said to call my doctor right away and see what he said. I talked to the nurse, describing everything that I had been feeling for the past day or so. She said...
"If your symptoms stay the same or get ANY worse, come to the hospital!"
So, I monitored myself for the next hour or so. My mom came over to be with me as I was starting to panic a little. I was afraid of what was happening, afraid for Luke's safety. The pain was getting worse, so we decided it was time to head to the hospital. I called Justin and told him to hurry home. I started packing my bag all while taking breaks to breathe through these painful cramps. Justin got home and packed his bag as well, just in case they admitted me. The three of us headed to the hospital. Mom was calling people, texting people, letting them know what was going on.
"I'll keep you posted. Will call when we know something."
On our way to Riverside, I was having contractions that took my breath away. From the back seat mom would say...
"Breathe Katie, don't forget to breathe."
We got to the hospital and was put in a triage room. I described what was happening and what I was feeling. I made sure they understand our situation with Luke. They knew. As I was in triage, the pain intensified. I was having contractions every 6-7 minutes. I was squeezing the life out of Justin's hand, the poor guy. It really hurt. I was in tears at this point. An hour went by before the doctor came in check my cervix, to see if I had dialted at all. She's checking me, which hurt like crazy, and had a surprised look on her face. She says...
"You're 5cm dialted!"
What?! I'm in active labor right now?? Then Justin asks...
"So, does that mean he's going to be born later tonight sometime?" The doctor says...
"No, he'll be born within the hour."
Oh my gosh. I can hardly breathe. We were scheduled for a C-Section three days from now. My sister was due to fly in tomorrow night. She's going to miss his birth. I was devastated she'd miss it. She wouldn't get a chance to hold him. The tears started to flow. I was terrified and excited all at the same time. My sister Beth happened to be in the room with us when we found out he was on his way. She said to us...
"It's ok. God knew this was going to happen. He's not surprised, it's ok. You'll be ok."
Our boy was going to be born within the hour. Oh my goodness, we're going to see him soon. I started to pray..."Oh Lord, please protect Luke. Keep him safe. Give him time with us, please."
Before we knew it, our room was flooded with nurses. One was drawing my blood, one was trying to get my IV started. My pesky veins weren't cooperating. Finally, a nurse, Laura Gilbert, got my IV in. This nurse, Laura, was a God-send. She was the sweetest, most caring, loving nurse. She was an answer to prayer. She calmed my nerves and assured me I was in great hands. I loved her. Before too long, we were all ready to head to the operating room.
As we headed to the OR and even while I was in there waiting for Justin to come in, I remember feeling completely at peace. So many people prayed for that specifically; that God would overwhelm me with the peace that only He can give. He did just that. I was nervous, but not scared at all. I couldn't wait to see my son. I couldn't wait to kiss his little face. The surgery began, and before long, they lifted Luke from my belly and took him over to the warmer. He wasn't crying. I didn't know this at first, but his heart rate was very low. They didn't waste too much time, and Justin brought him right over to me. The nurse told him it may not be long .
He was the most precious thing I'd ever seen. He wasn't crying much, but he was making the cutest coo's and whimpers. He was beautiful. It was the best moment of my life, seeing him for the first time. They took him back to the warmer and checked his heart rate again. It had gone back up! He was doing better. His coloring was better. He was more pink than blue. Thank you Lord, for sustaining him thus far. He was more stable at this point, so they wrapped him up more tightly, put a cute hat on him and all.
Lucas Kent Bays was born on January 16, 2015 at 8:57pm. He weighed 3 pounds 6 ounces and was 13 1/2 inches long. Our little peanut. The answer to our prayers. Our little boy. The most precious thing I'd ever seen. The hours that unfolded after his birth were nothing short of a miracle. He was with us for 6 1/2 glorious hours. We thought we'd have around 2 hours with him. God gave us 6 1/2. I will share more details about those hours in my next post. God was with us in a way that is almost impossible to describe. We love and miss our son more than words can say. We are so proud of him. He is now with his Creator, full and complete, healthy, and strong with both kidneys and lungs that work perfectly. We love you Luke, so much.
A Cemetery, A Plot, and a Boy Named Noah
Going to the cemetery where we were planning to bury our son was another dreaded task that was before us. I thought the funeral home visit was hard...ha! This was just as difficult if not MORE difficult. The place where his body would be placed. The place we would have his burial service. We really didn't want to do this.
As we pulled into Cheshire Cemetery, we met a man there named Larry. We had no clue how this process worked. So we just asked him...
"So do we just drive around and pick a spot?"
"Yep, when you find a spot you like, come get me and I'll look at it and see if it's available."
Ok, so he made it sound so easy. Just look over these 80+ acres of land and pick a spot. Hmmm. It seemed daunting, but ok, whatever you say. We started driving and just made the first left turn we came to. We had somewhat of an idea of where we wanted to bury Luke. Under a tree. A big, beautiful tree so that we could sit under it in the Spring and Summer when we came to visit him. A big tree that would drop colorful leaves in the Fall. As we drove down this first driveway, we came to a spot at the end of that drive that looked like a good place. It wasn't too crowded with headstones, it was by a big tree. We got out of the car and looked at it closer. My mom was with us, so she looked at the spot too. As we got closer, my mom noticed something about the grave right next to the spot we were looking at. She says...
"Oh wow, look. There's another little boy buried right here. He was about 2 weeks old."
We looked closer at the headstone. It was another baby. A little boy named Noah. For some reason, the idea of Luke being buried next to another little boy brought us some comfort. We wondered what happened to this little boy. Were his parents grieving like we were? Maybe we would meet this family one day as we visited our sons. We decided this was the place we wanted. We went and got Larry and took him to this grave and asked if it was available. It was! We reserved the plot site.
When we got home, Justin decided to look online and see if he could find more info on this boy Noah. He looked up the last name on Facebook in hopes to maybe find his parents. We found a woman with the same last name, that was in the area. Come to find out, Justin had 8 mutual friends with this lady. Wow, that's ironic. Could this be Noah's mother? One of the mutual friends was our photographer, Anne Marie, who ended up photographing Luke's birth. Wow! I texted Anne Marie right away asking if she knew this woman. She called me right back and asked how in the world I knew this lady. I said....
"Justin and I were just at the cemetery and came across a grave of a little boy...." and before I could even finish my sentence she says...
"Oh my word, did you find Noah's grave???"
Goosebumps. Could this be? Turns out yes, we had mutual friends with this family who lost their little boy 3 years ago! Noah and Luke were connected. Turns out, Noah's mother is close friends with our photographer and several others at Worthington Christian, where Justin works. We were blown away. What are the chances that we would not only pick a spot next to another baby boy, but come to find out several of our friends KNOW this family personally! God was so good to connect us with this family. It brought us comfort knowing this. After such a difficult morning picking out a gravesite, God saw fit to allow this amazing thing to happen. The story then got more interesting....
Back in September when we found out about Luke's condition, Justin went out to lunch with his boss and co-worker. They went to Chili Verde. When they were done eating, Justin's boss Kevin went to talk to someone he knew who worked in the back of the restaurant. He told Justin that the guy he was saying hello to had also lost a baby boy a few years back. Kevin shared our story with this man. Kevin said the man broke down and wept because the emotions were still very raw from losing his son. He told Kevin to tell Justin that he would be praying for us, for our family. Come to find out, this man at Chili Verde was Noah's father.
Amazing, isn't it? On a day that brought so much sadness, the Lord saw fit to connect two families through the loss of their little boys. We haven't met this family face to face yet, but we hope to soon. We share a common bond. We lost our boys. Our precious sons. I remember thanking God that night for allowing this to happen. God is indeed involved in all the small details of our lives. He orchestrates everything just perfectly. Since that day, I have prayed for this family. I've prayed for their hearts as they grieve the loss of Noah. Even though it's been several years, I'm sure the pain is still just as strong as the day they lost him.
As I sit here and write this, I think about Noah and Luke running through the fields of heaven together. Playing together. Sitting at the feet of Jesus together. Worshipping their Creator together. Forever.
As we pulled into Cheshire Cemetery, we met a man there named Larry. We had no clue how this process worked. So we just asked him...
"So do we just drive around and pick a spot?"
"Yep, when you find a spot you like, come get me and I'll look at it and see if it's available."
Ok, so he made it sound so easy. Just look over these 80+ acres of land and pick a spot. Hmmm. It seemed daunting, but ok, whatever you say. We started driving and just made the first left turn we came to. We had somewhat of an idea of where we wanted to bury Luke. Under a tree. A big, beautiful tree so that we could sit under it in the Spring and Summer when we came to visit him. A big tree that would drop colorful leaves in the Fall. As we drove down this first driveway, we came to a spot at the end of that drive that looked like a good place. It wasn't too crowded with headstones, it was by a big tree. We got out of the car and looked at it closer. My mom was with us, so she looked at the spot too. As we got closer, my mom noticed something about the grave right next to the spot we were looking at. She says...
"Oh wow, look. There's another little boy buried right here. He was about 2 weeks old."
We looked closer at the headstone. It was another baby. A little boy named Noah. For some reason, the idea of Luke being buried next to another little boy brought us some comfort. We wondered what happened to this little boy. Were his parents grieving like we were? Maybe we would meet this family one day as we visited our sons. We decided this was the place we wanted. We went and got Larry and took him to this grave and asked if it was available. It was! We reserved the plot site.
When we got home, Justin decided to look online and see if he could find more info on this boy Noah. He looked up the last name on Facebook in hopes to maybe find his parents. We found a woman with the same last name, that was in the area. Come to find out, Justin had 8 mutual friends with this lady. Wow, that's ironic. Could this be Noah's mother? One of the mutual friends was our photographer, Anne Marie, who ended up photographing Luke's birth. Wow! I texted Anne Marie right away asking if she knew this woman. She called me right back and asked how in the world I knew this lady. I said....
"Justin and I were just at the cemetery and came across a grave of a little boy...." and before I could even finish my sentence she says...
"Oh my word, did you find Noah's grave???"
Goosebumps. Could this be? Turns out yes, we had mutual friends with this family who lost their little boy 3 years ago! Noah and Luke were connected. Turns out, Noah's mother is close friends with our photographer and several others at Worthington Christian, where Justin works. We were blown away. What are the chances that we would not only pick a spot next to another baby boy, but come to find out several of our friends KNOW this family personally! God was so good to connect us with this family. It brought us comfort knowing this. After such a difficult morning picking out a gravesite, God saw fit to allow this amazing thing to happen. The story then got more interesting....
Back in September when we found out about Luke's condition, Justin went out to lunch with his boss and co-worker. They went to Chili Verde. When they were done eating, Justin's boss Kevin went to talk to someone he knew who worked in the back of the restaurant. He told Justin that the guy he was saying hello to had also lost a baby boy a few years back. Kevin shared our story with this man. Kevin said the man broke down and wept because the emotions were still very raw from losing his son. He told Kevin to tell Justin that he would be praying for us, for our family. Come to find out, this man at Chili Verde was Noah's father.
Amazing, isn't it? On a day that brought so much sadness, the Lord saw fit to connect two families through the loss of their little boys. We haven't met this family face to face yet, but we hope to soon. We share a common bond. We lost our boys. Our precious sons. I remember thanking God that night for allowing this to happen. God is indeed involved in all the small details of our lives. He orchestrates everything just perfectly. Since that day, I have prayed for this family. I've prayed for their hearts as they grieve the loss of Noah. Even though it's been several years, I'm sure the pain is still just as strong as the day they lost him.
As I sit here and write this, I think about Noah and Luke running through the fields of heaven together. Playing together. Sitting at the feet of Jesus together. Worshipping their Creator together. Forever.
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