God Must Be Teaching Me to Trust Him

August 30, 2016 It seems like the last two years of my life have had an overwhelming theme wrapped around it. Trust. Trust in the Lord. Two years ago we found out we were expecting our first child. I was instantly worried. "Trust me..." I heard the Lord whisper in my ear. 16 weeks later we found out our precious little boy wouldn't survive. I would have to hand him over to Jesus hours after birth. "Trust me, daughter...". The night Luke was born, was the hardest yet most beautiful time of my life. When the nurse walked in to wheel him out of our hospital room, I thought I just might fall apart. "I'm here, trust me, beloved..." You get the idea. As we faced each and every hard moment along the way, God was calling me to trust Him over and over again. Clearly, I couldn't face these things alone. As much as I didn't want to, I had to trust. I had to fully believe that God knew what He was doing. Now, as we are going through this adoption process, we wait some more. And yet the same theme is cursing through my veins. Trust. God allowed us to go through a failed adoption. We still trust Him and know that wasn't the child He has for us. Was that hard? You betcha. Was I yet again angry and confused with God's plan? Yep. Now we are in a place with no leads on a baby, and we are just waiting for a match again. There are days when it feels like it's never going to happen. Like this waiting could go on and on with no end in sight. Even though we know things can change overnight when it comes to adoption, it still feels like there's nothing happening! So what do we do? Do we throw ourselves a pity party and do the whole "Woe is me!" thing? No. We continue to wait and TRUST that God knows what He's doing. Maybe our child isn't born yet. Maybe our child isn't conceived yet. Maybe God sees what's coming around the corner and is causing us to wait to avoid more heartache. I don't know. What I do know is that He is good and His plan is clearly better than mine. I never thought I'd be 35 and still waiting to have a child in our home. I might be the oldest mom in the school pick up line one day, but hey, who cares. My God is trustworthy and I will continue to wait because I know that what He has planned for us is totally better than anything I could think or imagine. I've been coming up with a list of things that are "positives" as we've had to wait... 1) More time to raise money. 2) More time for Justin and I to be "just the two of us" 3) More opportunities to grow in my walk with the Lord 4) Conferences, Bible studies & events I've been able to attend 5) Lots of 1 on 1 time with nieces and nephews Those are a few. Had we gotten a child quickly, most of those things wouldn't have been possible. So, I'm thankful, in the midst of the waiting. How you can be praying for us: 1) Patience as we wait. 2) Our future child and his/her birth mom. 3) The necessary funds to come in. 4) That God would teach us more and more about Himself during this time. Thank you, friends, for your continued support.