He Will Hold Me Fast

It has been a while since logging onto my blog and writing something. Why? I couldn't tell you. It's not like there has been a shortage of things to write about. In fact, I could have written a book on all that has gone on with Justin and I regarding adoption lately. Unfortunately, it's not happy things to report. No, it's hard things. Maybe that's why I haven't wanted to blog. For once, I'd like to report something happy. That will come, I'm sure. For those who haven't heard, we had an adoption fail. Back in March we were matched with a local birth mom and we were utterly thrilled. We had met with her several times and I was really growing to love this girl despite it being hard sometimes. I prayed for her daily. I prayed for the little boy inside of her daily. Both Justin and I were growing very emotionally attached to this little life inside her. We received a text from our social worker saying that our birth mom, let's call her "Sue", would be induced May 20, 2016. Wow, were we excited! We went and registered, we purchased essential things to have at home should he arrive before that, everything was ready! Towels washed, swing assembled, clothes folded perfectly in the drawers, the car seat was even installed. As the day was approaching, we got news that Sue was actually induced early and the baby was born! We were so excited. But, we got some unsettling news. Apparently, there was a family member that was showing interest in the baby and now we don't know if we're going to get him or not. We were devastated. We didn't see this coming. Everything is us wanted to drive down to the hospital he was at, scoop him up, and love on him like we had planned to do all along. That didn't happen. After a couple weeks of no news, we got a random text from Sue telling us that she has gone in a different direction. She thanked us for the support and wished us luck in our search. Wait, what?! So, it's over? Just like that? We immediately broke down into tears. It was another loss. We had already lost our son Luke, and now we are going through the loss of what we thought would be our second son. I remember having similar emotions that evening that we experienced losing Luke.... "Ok Lord, hold me up. We just might loose it here. Please, hold us together." And He has. Just as He did when we lost Luke, God is walking with us as we walk through this trial. He's near, He's not letting us go, and He's preparing us for what's to come. We don't know what that is yet, but we know it will be good. It will be God's best. Isn't that what we desire most? Yes, without a doubt. Last week, I had the opportunity to go to The Gospel Coalition Women's Conference in Indianapolis with 11 other women from our church. A month or so ago I wasn't planning on going because I thought I would be home feeding, holding, loving, and caring for our new baby. Since the Lord had other plans, I was able to go. Oh, I'm so glad He allowed that. It was an amazing time of refreshment both physically and spiritually. God really used this time away to speak to me through His Word and renewed my joy in Him. The theme of the conference was suffering. Now ain't that timely! Ok God, I get it! You wanted me to hear all this amazing teaching on suffering. It was so good. The conference organizers brought in Keith & Kristyn Getty to lead worship those three days. I had heard of them, but never listened to their music before. Wow, was it good. It wasn't fluffy worship music that repeated the same catchy words over and over again. It was the Gospel put to song. It was solid, truthful, and pointed my heart straight to the One that the Gospel is about. My favorite song they led us to sing was called "He Will Hold Me Fast." The song starts by their violinist playing a solo. Talk about goosebumps! Here is a ginormous room filled with 7,200 women and all you hear is the beautiful sound of a violin. It brought me to tears. Here are the lyrics to the song... Verse 1 "When I fear my faith will fail, Christ will hold me fast; When the tempter would prevail, He will hold me fast. I could never keep my hold through life’s fearful path; For my love is often cold; He must hold me fast. Chorus He will hold me fast, He will hold me fast; For my Saviour loves me so, He will hold me fast. Verse 2 Those He saves are His delight, Christ will hold me fast; Precious in his holy sight, He will hold me fast. He’ll not let my soul be lost; His promises shall last; Bought by Him at such a cost, He will hold me fast. Verse 3 For my life He bled and died, Christ will hold me fast; Justice has been satisfied; He will hold me fast. Raised with Him to endless life, He will hold me fast ‘Till our faith is turned to sight, When He comes at last! Powerful words, yes? Imagine singing this with 7,200 people. It was a glimpse of what worship in Heaven will be like. It was also a beautiful thought that no matter what trial we may walk through, Christ will hold me. He will not let my soul be lost even though my love for Him of often cold. Do yourself a favor and buy this song on iTunes. In fact, by their whole album! You won't regret it, and may it bless your heart just as much as it blessed mine. So, as Justin and I continue to wait for the baby that is handpicked by God for us, we cling to the promises of His Word and take comfort knowing that He is holding us fast. And won't ever let us go.