July 16, 2015 ~ Six Months Since Losing Luke
How is it possible? Has it really been 6 months since we said hello and goodbye to our sweet boy? Some days it feels like it's been 6 YEARS. It's gone fast, yet it's crawled by at the same time. As each "first" has approached since Luke passed away, this one was almost the hardest for Justin and I. Yes, Mother's Day was difficult, and so was Father's Day. And I'm sure Thanksgiving and Christmas will be too. But for some reason, the 6 month mark was extremely difficult. Half a year. He'd be crawling. He would be sitting up on his own. He might be teething at this point. My mind kept going to places and thinking about all that "He would have been's".
But God had other plans.
Rather than focusing on all the things we were missing out on, I tried to focus on ALL that God had taught us during the past 6 months. All of the ways He had carried us through each and every excruciating moment. The Lord had indeed carried us, He drew near to us, and He showed us that we can't make it through this life without Him.
About a week before the 6 month mark came, Justin and I thought it would be special to have people gather at his grave for a time of remembrance and reflection on God's goodness. We knew it would help us and encourage us to hear how God has worked in the lives of others in regards to Luke's death. So, that's what we did. We gathered, we shared, we cried, and we gave glory to the One who has walked through the fire right beside us. Hearing what God had taught those closest to us through this trial was so encouraging to hear. We know that the Lord intends trials in our lives for our good. Sometimes we really struggle with..."Where is the good in this?" Hearing people say things like...
"I pray more."
"I think about Heaven more."
"I know now that no matter what I face in this life, God will carry me through."
"God had drawn me closer to Himself."
"Because of Luke's life, I know someone who has changed their views on abortion."
Wow! Talk about encouraging! Our little boy has had an impact on others. His 6 1/2 hours of life has changed people. It's the Lord working through it, but if it weren't for Luke's life, these people wouldn't have been touched in this way.
In the days surrounding the 6 months mark, someone, I can't remember who, shared something with me that has really impacted me....
As hard as it is to think about all of the "would have been's", Luke was never supposed to do those things. He was never meant to crawl. He was never meant to start teething. He was never meant to sit up on his own. Luke's short life was EXACTLY how the Lord intended it to be. He lived a full and COMPLETE life! God doesn't make mistakes. He intended Luke's life to be exactly 6 1/2 hours long. He intended for him to pass away at 3:39am on January 17, 2015. And if everything the Lord does is GOOD, then Luke's life was perfect. My little boy's life was just as God intended it to be. PERFECT.
