December 9, 2014
Funeral home. Just the words alone are depressing. A place that is nothing but sadness. Nothing happy ever comes from a funeral home. This was the day we had been dreading almost more than any other day. The day we had to go to Snyder-Rodman funeral home and plan the burial of our little boy. Still, just saying those words makes me want to weep. To say we were dreading this day would be the understatement of the century.
It was a Tuesday. Our appointment was at 9am. I remember waking up several times during the night and begging God for there to be another way for us to do this; to plan Luke's burial. I did not want to go to this place. We came very close to canceling the appointment due to fear. I was so scared to even step foot in the building. But, like other difficult things we've had to check off our list, I knew we had to do this. It was our duty as his parents to do this. To honor him and make it the absolute best we could. For him.
Getting ready that morning, I remember thinking..."I'm doing ok. I think I can do this." As we drove to the funeral home and as we got closer and closer, I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I could feel my heart start to thud harder and harder against my chest. We parked the car, and off to my right, I could see headstones. That's when I lost it. The tears came and came and I cried out to Justin..."I don't want to go in there! I can't do this!" He grabbed my hands and he immediately started to pray. He begged God to give us the strength to make it through the appointment....to give us overwhelming peace....asked God to meet us there and to carry us through. After we prayed, it was time to go in. Thankfully we had support there with us that day. Justin's parents, my mom, my sisters Beth and Megan and our pastor, Lee.
We were introduced to Mike Neeper, the funeral home director. He couldn't have been any more kind and thoughtful. He asked us all about our families, all about Luke. We went over everything involving Luke's burial and what that day would be like. It was extremely difficult, but it had to be done. He reassured us that Luke would be very well taken care of. He would dress him in whatever we wanted him dressed in. As his mommy, I wanted to know that he would be gentle with him. Even though I knew he wouldn't be alive once in Mike's care, I still wanted to make sure that he would be loved. That Mike would be careful with him. He assured me he would. That made my heart feel better. At the end of the appointment, Mike told us that he was waiving ALL charges for the services the funeral home would provide except for the cost of Luke's tiny casket. What kindness! What would have easily been thousands of dollars, he's only charging us $200.
As we were walking out of the funeral home, I looked at Justin and said..."We made it. We did it. And I feel so at peace." My sister Beth said..."Don't you feel as if Jesus was literally carrying us through that appointment?" She was so right. He did just that. What seemed and felt like a huge burden, was done and we were ok. God met us exactly when we needed Him to and gave us the grace for that moment right when we needed it most. There will be more difficult things we will be facing as the time gets closer to Luke's arrival, but we know that the Lord will meet us there too. He will give us the grace for those moments. We trust Him completely. Always.
